New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
