Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
