He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Welp...herpes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
