he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
