i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
