you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
