you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
