I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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