Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
