Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
