girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
