Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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