i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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