Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
