Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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