he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Alive.
So much puke
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
