bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
