Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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