My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize