My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
