Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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