I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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