$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Shame - the story of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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