I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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