i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
