She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
