Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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