The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
