lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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