my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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