You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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