Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
