My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
