We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
