The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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