Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
