is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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