Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
