If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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