Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
