I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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