My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
