So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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