Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize