i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
