she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
