life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
