I want to make a zoo with you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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