Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
