yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
