I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
