i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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