Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
BRING THE BAGELS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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