I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
