Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
