The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
