before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
