I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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