JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
