It's Friday. Sex?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
