very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Someone came in the potted fern
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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