my phone needs a breathalizer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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