plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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