you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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