A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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