Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
