i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize