no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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