dude i'm inner monologue high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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