Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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