I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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