When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pants are for mortals
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
