That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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