Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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