she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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