So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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