My nipple is on Facebook.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
