She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
