The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
