She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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