dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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